South Carolina’s Latest Regulation: Porch Sitters Now Need Licenses!

Disclaimer: Please note that the following article is a humorous piece of satire and should not be interpreted as real news.

South Carolina has recently introduced a groundbreaking law called the Professional Porch Sitter Licensing Act, aiming to support local employment and honor the state’s beloved tradition of leisurely porch sitting. With this new legislation in place, residents now have the opportunity to obtain official licenses and become certified as Professional Porch Sitters, transforming their passion for relaxation and community chatter into a recognized profession.

The law, which has brought amusement and confusion to the local community, seeks to enhance the professionalism of porch sitting, a cherished tradition deeply ingrained in Southern culture. Prospective candidates will complete intensive training, which includes mastering rocking chair techniques, perfecting the art of brewing iced tea, and honing their skills in engaging conversations. However, the highlight of the evaluation process will be a practical exam, where applicants must display their proficiency in sitting, rocking, and peacefully enjoying a cup of tea for extended periods of time.

Critics believe that the law is a frivolous misuse of state resources, whereas supporters view it as a clever strategy to encourage community involvement and boost local tourism. According to an enthusiastic legislator, implementing this law could have a substantial positive impact on the economy. They envision tourists flocking to witness these skilled sitters in action, ultimately putting South Carolina on the global map as the Porch Sitting Capital of the World!

The state government has also suggested the possibility of organizing an annual International Porch Sitting Championships. This event would bring together participants from all over the world to demonstrate their skill in sitting on porches.


South Carolina residents are preparing to either apply for their licenses or protest the new law, and the one thing that remains certain is that porch sitting will never be the same again.

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